Burger Drought

a call to action for u, my beautiful readers

Hi divas!

I have a short list of burgers I’ve eaten but have yet to review. But I’ll be so honest - I sat down to write about them and felt deeply uninspired. Not because my head’s not in the burger game but because all of them were so deeply just okay. And I couldn’t bring myself to write four (4) full length reviews that boiled down to “it was fine.” I’m in search of a truly spectacular burger to end my drought - either in Philly or NYC, where I’ll be next week! I already have plans to eat my #1 while I’m in town but I can squeeze in another. I’ll also be in Spain mid-month (Madrid, Valencia, Barcelona). If you happen to have a burger rec there, I’m all ears!

But in the meantime I’ll give you the quick and dirty on these so-so burgers, one in NYC and three in Philly so you can decide for yourself to make the trip over.

White Horse Tavern

I’ll start things off with the sole NYC burger in this collection. I bopped into the city to get my roots done (I wasn’t joking about that) and hit up my friend Alexa for dinner. WHT truthfully wasn’t on my to-try list but I had seen a piece of #content that looked appealing, knew they had TVs I could watch Colombia vs. Switzerland on and kind of wanted an excuse to pop over to the West Village.

There’s two burgers here but I went with the double smash for $27, which includes fries. It’s two Pat LaFrieda patties with onions, pickles and WHT sauce on a fluffy brioche bun.

The patties were smashed super thin so I could get some nice crispy lacing but the burger had a thin layer of grease coating it, eliminating any illusion of a sleek, mess-free bite. The pickles and thin layer of WHT sauce ultimately carried the burger on their backs.

The high point for me of this dinner was my celeb spotting. WHT was a spot known for prolific writers, musicians and artists of the Beat era. My spotting though is a little different - Christopher Meloni. Yes the one with the butt. He was solo and got a steak.

burger, me watching PK shootout, lacing

Oyster House

The Oyster House burger has been suggested to me a couple of times now. For $23 you get a double smash burger on a brioche bun (I’m seeing a theme) with dill pickles, shredded lettuce and a black pepper aioli and fries.

This is another case of the pickles and sauce carrying the otherwise boring meat. I’ll also give a shout out to this brioche bun, which did a nice job of compacting down without losing its integrity. But if you’re looking for a sort-of-fancy smash burger in Philly, I’d pay three more dollars to go around the corner to a.kitchen.

a.kitchen+bar

Meetinghouse

I’d been meaning to go Meetinghouse specifically for their Guinness pour. When Kirby and I were in the neighborhood poking around record shops, I realized we were nearby and the France v. Morocco game had started - perfect storm.

We walked in and cozied up to the bar where the bartender informed us we had in fact stopped in on Burger Night. What was I going to do, not get a burger? Plus it was only $12.

In theory it was everything I liked - thick slab of white onion, meaty pickles, larger patty. But like the burgers above, it left much to be desired. In this case, the patty had the sort of mouthfeel that I believe came from an overabundance of binding agents, making it feel aerated and fluffy. It also didn’t help that everything else coming out of the kitchen looked more spectacular by comparison (gotta go back for the turkey cutlet!). I’d advice you to skip this, grab another bite, a pour of Guinness and the caramel toast for dessert.

Loco Pez

Loco Pez is a Philly fixture for me. Between the tacos and the dolly tocky nights, karaoke and the easy breezy distance from my new home, I’m there regularly. Their burger always caught my eye when looking over the menu, but 90% of the time if I was there it was with a late night taco in my heart.

This week, I was there while the sun was still up with the express purpose of getting a burger. For just $13.50 you get a double smash with pickled jalapeños, pickles, special sauce AND waffle fries. We can all agree it’s a deal, especially paired with an $8 margarita. But one bite in, I did the unthinkable - asked for salt. Sometimes I’ll force myself to push through for the sake of an honest review (Catholic alert!) but I could tell this was relying on the cheese for the salt content. Altogether I was a little disappointed. The jalapeños were a little too tamed for my liking and also were plopping out of the burger with each bite. A hotter, diced pepper and some more salt could’ve saved this one for sure.

Where do I need to go to recover from my burger flop era? SEND HELP!