There’s a running joke among my friends about the Christina Curse.
The Christina Curse is when, through no fault of your own, you wound up being inadvertently forgotten about. It usually applies to bars, coffee shops and restaurants but it can in special circumstances extend to being left in a gas station or skipped in a round-robin style meeting.
Through the magic of the Christina Curse, combined with poor UI/UX in the Discord mobile apps regarding event planning, I wound up at Alphaville on a Monday night getting inadvertently stood up by 15 people for karaoke. Luckily my night was saved by the burger served by their food outpost, Lori Jayne.
Lori Jayne slings a small menu of bar food with some surprising specials, namely their $20 steak frites, which is served like all of their other items: in a paper tray, a la poolside snack shack.
Tonight I was here for the burger, one that my Bushwick and Ridgewood friends had repeatedly scolded me for not prioritizing. For $10, I got a burger with “good beef” (their words not mine) topped with onions caramelized in bone broth, dill pickle chips, and Lori Jayne sauce all on a Martin’s roll. For inquiring minds, you can add cheese for another dollar - making this a DEFAULT HAMBURGER. Huge W for the lactose aware community.
My burger came out with a thick patty, big pile of onions and a heartily sliced pickle - a stark contrast from the parade of smash burgers I’ve had recently, and a welcome change at that. I was a little nervous about the structural integrity of this burger,
It seems as though the karaoke snafu had an immediate karmic balance because within one single bite I knew this was going to fly up the rankings. Salty, sweet, umami all balanced on a bun that is somehow not leaking everywhere, kind of iconic. Each bite had a mouthful of the onions which, and this is a technical term, went crazy.
And I know I’ve said I don’t factor in fries when it comes to my ranking but I do want to specifically highlight their black garlic chili sauce mine came with - the spice and vinegar almost acted as a mini-cleanse between big bites.
While I didn’t get to sing a tune (I have a list of two dozen karaoke go-tos) it was water off a duck’s back thanks to this incredible (and affordable!) burger. The burger at Lori Jayne sits at number 4, below Union Square Cafe and above Cozy Royale. I’m hoping to have another go at the Union Square Cafe burger before my end of year re-rank: want to make sure everything’s above board.