no modifications
when I had to bail on a burger
According to my content calendar, this week was meant to feature some burgers I ate during my two week retreat (read: immediate aftermath of unemployment) in Philadelphia. And while I had two burgers, a thick pub burger at Good Dog in Center City and a phenom dry aged burger at Bloomsday in Queen Village, the crowning jewel of the trifecta was ultimately a flop. Not because I didn’t eat it, but because I couldn’t eat it.
It’s a burger that asks you to put in legwork - only available one day a week and only available a la carte if you walk in to this restaurant in East Passyunk. If you book a reservation you’re still beholden to the $85 four course tasting menu and can add the $23 burger on to your feast if you please.
When I sat down to order, a few minutes ahead of my dining companion, I saw a note on the menu, only under the burger: No modifications. I clarified with my waiter to see if this meant I couldn’t ask for no cheese and she confirmed.
It’s at this point I ask everyone: PLEASE get over yourselves.
The online menu for River Twice carries the disclaimer: “At this time we cannot accommodate vegan, dairy-free or allium requests.” Here’s the thing: I’m not making an allergy request (yes I am lactose intolerant but very different than an allergy) or what some could call an outlandish demand. I’m simply asking, hey when you build this burger, would you mind not putting the slices of Cooper Sharp on top? The burger is still dressed: pickled onions and everything-seasoned mayonnaise over two patties all on a seeded bun. Yes, the chef has a vision here but as I’ve told a few people about this incident they all say the same thing: can this burger even stand on its own?
I’m no stranger to burgers that use a lil bit of scarcity as a way to build buzz. Lord’s, Raoul’s, and my #1 burger Rolo’s (although…I need some boots on the ground following a report that the burger is no more). Annoying but also a bit of a fun challenge, especially for a burger-centric girl like myself.
But I can’t get behind the fiercely limited burger that makes the diner go the extra mile only to be met with a firm stance on mods.
I understand the argument against modifications, especially in high octane fine dining restaurants. There’s a level of precision and focus that everyone on the line needs to have to turn plates out - everything needs to be made in a certain way, with a certain rhythm for a certain reason for a full dining room of waiting, hungry people that are shelling out for an experience.
I hate to be a bitch (kidding! LOVE to be a bitch) but at the moment in service when I double checked about the no-cheese request, there were 6 other people in the restaurant with me. I’m pretty sure the dining room caps at sub-30 diners too, which I say to reinforce my opinion that my request was very doable and unobtrusive to the process at RT.
I started Burger Diva partially because the burger is such a democratizing food. But in cases like this, accessibility bumps heads with the ethos of the fine dining experience. The idea everything isn’t meant for everyone. Some people in food might even read my assessment as entitled, which is fine! Because you know what, after planning my schedule and commuting down to South Philly from Germantown, I DID feel entitled!
I texted Peyton, who I was dining with, to break the news and we agreed to go two blocks away to Fountain Porter, home of our favorite burger in Philadelphia. Six dollars, no cheese, thank you!
s-tier BD
FOUNTAIN PORTER BURG 4EVER